SAN ANDREAS — San Andreas may still be dry and frost-free for now, but if local weather wizards are to be believed, we’re standing on the edge of a “rare” snowy December. And like true locals who’ve never seen a flake, we’ve decided to panic preemptively…but fashionably.
Law enforcement agencies across the state are already deep into the holiday spirit. The Public Works department released to Weazel News mockups for limited-time winter-themed vehicle liveries that say “Happy Holidays” (with a side of “You’re still getting a citation”).
Leading the sleigh lineup is the San Andreas Highway Patrol, who’ve gone full storybook. Some of their patrol SUVs now sport a frosty gray wrap, complete with a bold red ribbon stretched across the hood and a gingerbread-star badge that looks ready to crumble under pressure. String lights run just beneath the roofline, and a bright red toy train decal zips along the side because nothing says “state trooper” like peppermint chaos and childhood whimsy.
Not to be outdone, the Blaine County Sheriff’s Office is keeping things bold but classy. Their vehicles are now wrapped in sleek silver with vivid red and green stripes, a Santa-hatted badge, and “Happy Holidays” gently etched over the fender like a holiday card that comes with a court date. It’s giving “mall security at the North Pole” meets “step out of the vehicle.”
And then there’s the Los Santos Police Department, whose holiday livery brings some big city shine to the season. Their SUV patrol units are dressed in glossy jet black, accented with green and red striping, a holiday wreath in place of the “O” in POLICE, and multicolored lights lining the rocker panels. A red sleigh decal adds flair to the rear, while a “Happy Holidays” message rests subtly above the front wheel. All giving a warm greeting just before the lights hit your rearview.
Citywide, the festive energy is spreading fast. A Public Works employee reports that Vinewood will glow with oversized snowflake lights and Legion Square will be transformed into a proper Holiday Square, complete with a massive LED tree, decorative gift boxes, seasonal snacks, and inflatable snowmen that pose more of a trip hazard than a public safety concern. Carolers are expected, assuming they get clearance from the Buskers’ Union.
And still, no snow. Yet.
But that’s San Andreas for you. We don’t wait for reality. We manifest it. With gingerbread-badged cruisers, wreath-wrapped SUVs, and a city dressed up like a holiday fever dream, the spirit is alive and well, even if the snow hasn’t dropped.
So bundle up, buckle in, and behave. The holidays are coming fast — and so are the flashing lights behind you.
From all of us at Weazel News, may your sleigh stay roadworthy and your citations stay festive.
