We all know parking in San Andreas is a gamble. You roll the dice every time you pull into a lot — will you return to your car in one piece, or will it be gone, ticketed, or somehow on fire?
Weazel News hit the streets to identify the worst offenders. Here are the Top 5 Parking Lots Guaranteed to Ruin Your Day.
- 🏖️ Vespucci Beachfront Lot
Perfect if you like door dings, sand in your engine, and watching influencers “accidentally” back into your car while filming V videos. Bonus points: good luck leaving after 6 PM when everyone decides to block each other in, like a game of human Tetris. - 🚔 Mission Row PD Overflow Lot
Nothing says “safe and secure” like parking next to 40 impounded vehicles, three tow trucks, and an officer who swears he’ll “let you off with a warning” while writing you a $300 citation. Also, rumor has it that half the cars parked here belong to off-duty cops who forgot where they left them. - 🏥 Pillbox Hill Medical Center Garage
Visiting hours? Forget it. You’ll circle for 20 minutes before squeezing into a spot so tight you’ll need surgical precision to exit your car. Fitting, since you’re already at a hospital. Pro tip: bring an Uber home instead — your car probably won’t survive anyway. - 🛒 Rockford Hills Mall Lot
Fashion, wealth, and petty fender-benders all collide here. Shoppers treat the lot like their personal runway, while valet drivers treat your car like it’s part of a demolition derby. Expect new scratches, new dents, and a heartfelt “not our problem” from mall security. - 🏙️ Maze Bank Arena Event Parking
Congratulations, you’ve reached the apex predator of parking hellscapes. Going to a concert? A fight? Monster trucks? Doesn’t matter. When it’s over, you’re trapped in a four-hour gridlock migration that makes Blaine County cows look organized. Bring snacks. And a therapist.
San Andreas doesn’t need more cops or more government — it needs better parking engineers. Until then, remember: if you park in any of these lots, kiss your bumper (and your sanity) goodbye.
Weazel News
Confirming your prejudices, one parking ticket at a time.
