After our recent editorial asking how San Andreas should be governed, Weazel News readers delivered their verdict — and the results are as chaotic and telling as the state itself.
📊 The Numbers:
- Elect a Governor & Legislature: (74%)
The overwhelming majority want real democracy, real accountability (theoretically), and probably some campaign scandals to laugh at. - Direct Democracy: (9%)
A small but passionate group wants everyone to vote on everything. Yes, even traffic lights. Expect ballots longer than an LTD receipt. - Anarchy: (14%)
Because, of course, some people want to burn it all down. At least they’re honest about where San Andreas already is. - Corporate Takeover: (3%)
Rounding out the bottom, some visionaries said: “Let Maze Bank or Cluckin’ Bell run the state.” Finally, a government with a value menu.
The message is clear: most residents want a proper state government — a governor, legislature, and something resembling democracy. But the minority results remind us this is San Andreas: there will always be those who want chaos, free-for-all votes, or to live under the benevolent dictatorship of a fried chicken franchise.
Word of our poll didn’t just stay local — it reached the federal panel itself. At a recent town hall, panel member Natalie Bennett was directly asked about the survey results and whether Washington would ever consider granting San Andreas a proper state government. Her response?
“No comment.”
That’s it. No explanation. No debate. Just silence — as if San Andreas’ democratic ambitions were an awkward question at a dinner party.
San Andreas does want change. Whether that means a governor, a direct democracy, or Cluckin’ Bell handing out laws in combo meals, one thing is clear: residents are ready to move on from “rule by four.”
The feds, however, seem ready to do what they’ve always done best: say nothing at all.
Weazel News
Confirming your prejudices, one “no comment” at a time.
