SANDY SHORES — In a move that surprised absolutely no one who’s ever lived in this dustbowl of poor decisions and questionable infrastructure, Sandy Medical Center temporarily closed its doors this week due to a pipe situation that quickly escalated into a full-blown indoor water feature.
Yes, folks…frozen water pipes. In Sandy Shores. Because apparently, Mother Nature decided it was time for the apocalypse to start in Blaine County.
Staff reported waking up to what they described as a “very aggressive indoor fountain” in the main reception area, prompting an emergency shutdown and enough mop work to qualify as cardio. No patients were injured in the incident, unless you count the emotional trauma of having to go to Pillbox Medical Center for basic medical attention. (Yikes.)
Sources close to the scene said the issue was “likely caused by a sudden drop in overnight temperatures,” which is a scientific way of saying: We didn’t think it got cold in the desert, but here we are.
The brief closure left many locals without their usual source of non-judgmental stitches, mysterious prescriptions, and that nurse who definitely knows too much. However, after a quick fix by the San Andreas Department of Definitely Licensed Plumbers, the pipes were patched, the floors were dried, and the hospital smell was restored to its normal, vaguely antiseptic glory.
The Sandy Medical Center officially reopened this morning, with only mild lingering dampness and a renewed commitment to “maybe checking the weather next time.”
No official comment yet from the Blaine County Health Department, but we assume it’s somewhere between “Well, it’s Sandy Shores” and “Please stop calling us.”
We’ll keep you updated if any more parts of the building decide to explode, leak, or freeze. Until then, stay warm, Blaine County — and remember: if it drips from the ceiling, it’s probably not holy water.
Weazel News — Where the facts are colder than your busted radiator.
