Los Santos – In a city where chaos reigns, Weazel News stands as the last beacon of “truth” in an ocean of fake news. And now, YOU could be the next hero (or antihero) on the front lines of breaking stories, sensational headlines, and dangerously close interviews with unstable sources!
Do you have what it takes?
We’re looking for:
- Field Reporters who aren’t afraid to dodge bullets, explosions, or angry locals while getting the scoop.
- Freelance Journalists who can turn the mundane into clickbait gold with only a keyboard and an overactive imagination.
- On-Air Talent with faces that say “trustworthy” but voices that scream “BREAKING NEWS!”
Benefits of Joining Weazel News:
- Exclusive access to the best vending machines in Los Santos.
- Free rides in our barely insured Weazel-branded vans (helmet not included).
- The chance to be immortalized in viral memes, lawsuits, and tabloid scandals.
- Hazard pay (sort of).
Requirements:
- Thick skin, sharp wit, and the ability to exaggerate minor events into apocalyptic catastrophes.
- A sense of humor darker than the smog over Vinewood.
- A questionable moral compass (a strong plus).
How to Apply
Drop off your résumés, conspiracy theories, or blurry UFO photos at our headquarters. Not in the area? Email us at IWANTAJOB@WEAZEL.PRESS]. Just remember: if you don’t get a response within 24 hours, you’re probably not sensational enough.
Don’t miss your chance to join the most trusted name in satire—I mean, news. Whether you’re a veteran muckraker or just looking for a job that lets you carry a microphone with authority, Weazel News wants YOU!